We Are Not All in This Together

I’ve been seeing a lot of encouraging signs lately saying “we are all in this together”. It’s so nice seeing words of encouragement, especially when the media chooses to only share negative news. In a time as questionable as this, people are “coming together”, lending a hand, and helping out one another...that’s awesome! Christian or not, it literally costs nothing to be a good person. MAYBE mankind isn’t so bad after all. But are we really all in this together…or is that just like sugar sprinkled on top of a cupcake to make this situation "taste" better?

A co-worker shared something with me today that said “we are not all in this together”…and it REALLY spoke in volumes to me. WE-ARE-NOT-ALL-IN-THIS-TOGETHER! WHAT?!? Yes, I said it…and it’s true! We may think that we are all in this together, but we are NOT. Yes, the covid-19 pandemic is real. Yes, there is a “shut down” in place. Yes, we are all affected in some way. But to say we are all in this together…as in we are all struggling in the same way (fighting to pay bills, survive, grieving the loss of loved ones) is-a-lie!

My husband and I have been very fortunate throughout all of this. I like to think that I have counted my blessings; but, I am truly grateful to not be effected by any of this. We have been very fortunate to be considered essential, and we are both still working full time. We haven’t had to skip or postpone any payments. We aren’t living paycheck to paycheck, wondering how we will get by, and we aren’t going hungry. We don’t have to worry about going into foreclosure, and so far, we are very fortunate to have not lost any loved ones due to this pandemic. We are blessed! Childcare has been a struggle to find, we are currently paying out the ass for it, but how can I even complain in times like these when so many are struggling to make ends meet!?!

Lately my husband and I have really become addicted to budgeting (there could always be worse addictions right?!) The month is ending, which means I will finally get paid, and I can’t help but notice that I still have money in my account…and that’s after transferring money into savings (and no, that’s not including the stimulus check).  Dave Ramsey says you should ALWAYS end the month with $0 (anything remaining should be transferred into savings). MAYBE I didn’t transfer as much as I should have. Did I forget to pay something? NOPE! I re-ran my numbers over and over, checking for an error; nothing. Perhaps i’m spending less because “everything is shut down”….the $107.00 in receipts from eating out this month says that’s a lie! Sadly that doesn’t include what my husband spent, whoops! Oddly my husband said he has extra money too and couldn’t make sense of it. We’ve both paid all of our bills, put money into savings, and paid roughly $200 extra in childcare. HOW DO WE HAVE “EXTRA” MONEY?!? Daily I have been praying to God for guidance and wisdom, asking him to help me be a blessing to others…could this be my opportunity? Is THIS my sign? We both don’t understand it. But that’s the crazy thing about God…he allows things to happen that make NO SENSE, to prove that he is the one in control. Philippians 4:19 says “and my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” “For nothing will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37).

So no, we are not all in this together. We may all be living through the same pandemic…but we aren’t all experiencing this together. People are losing their loved ones…parents, children, siblings, co-workers; dying ALONE in the hospital. How many of you have been through that? People are living in absolute fear of the unknown; their mental health compromised. Businesses are closing, some FOREVER. Farmers have a ton of food going to waste because the lack of demand with so many schools and restaurants being shut down right now. Locally owned and small businesses can’t survive; thus, people are losing their jobs. Perhaps that’s not so bad. I hear people are getting OVER $600 a week on unemployment right now…even those who are working (but hours have been significantly cut). I guarantee they weren’t making that before all of this...so technically "they’re benefiting"! I can’t feel too bad for them, they are better off than me….and I’m still working full time! But how about those who have been laid off…or lost their job PERMANENTLY, and HAVEN’T received ANY unemployment check yet? Sadly, it's not even guaranteed. Perhaps you’re a small business who has received the $11,000 stimulus that you allegedly don’t have to pay back. How do you feel seeing other small businesses close because they couldn’t hold out for the stimulus they never received? Most small businesses are family owned and operated. Their ancestors poured their heart and soul into founding these businesses that started from nothing. That $3,400.00 stimulus check that I didn’t need was nice…until I found out that some people who-needed-it haven’t received one. I know people who have busted their ass at factories for over 20 years that have been let go. These people have families that relied on their income. I know several people who have taken the “monthly loan forgiveness option”…not realizing that the debt has to be paid in full once this pandemic is over….as in, if you couldn’t pay your $800 mortgage this month, or next month, in three months you now owe $2,400.00 (yes, read the fine print). What if they had no other option? You don’t have a savings and you can’t afford to pay your debts…so now what? My own twin sister is in this predicament. Her hours have been so significantly cut, yet her employer refuses to close and if they lay them off there's a chance they won't get their job back. So she can’t get unemployment, and doesn’t qualify for financial assistance. If she does finally get unemployment to make up for the cut in hours, it could be a month before she sees any of that. I can’t help but think how will our economy ever financially recover from this 2 trillion dollar loan? Is this going to force us into socialism? I keep hearing buy “American made, support our economy”…yet so many products sold in the USA are imported. People say “shop local”. How can we shop local if our local businesses are closed? What if they can’t hold out another week or so until we start re-opening? So many have already spent this stimulus check because they had debts they couldn’t pay, or families to feed. How are we to stimulate the economy when it went toward outstanding debt? And for the rest of us, we just socked it into savings…saving it for the unknown, or hoping for an early retirement. So no, we are not in this together. We are all just trying to stay afloat, riding out the same storm. You really don't know how the person next to you is...are they drowning? I've been hearing about a lot of suicides lately...this too shall pass. Have faith; you're worth more to your family alive. Suddenly I am feeling guilty. I really haven’t checked in with any friends or family to see if they’re okay. Not just financially, but mentally. I guess I just have been so wrapped up in working, picking up my kids, rushing home to get dinner going/cleaned up, enjoy a little bit of this nice weather before night falls, kids bathed…oh but wait, I am now a teacher, so I have to make time for that too, get the kids to bed and try not to fall asleep so I can find sometime for myself/husband. Wow. Life really hasn’t slowed down for me one bit. But that shouldn’t be my excuse. I really do hope all of my friends, family and “enemies” are doing okay, both mentally, physically, and financially.

We may not be in this together, but you are not alone. I may not be struggling right now, but I know what you are going through. When I had my first son I prayed and planned for him. We had ALL of our debt (less our mortgage) paid off. I was able to stay home with him for nearly a year. Then our second son came…and suddenly we were struggling. We still just had a mortgage, and “now” a small car payment. We knew the expense of diapers, formula and childcare. We planned for this second child, we were prepared…where did we go wrong? I guess we didn’t account for having two in diapers, or paying up to $900/month in childcare…that was more than our mortgage! We were prideful; there was no way we were going to apply for help (WIC/EBT), we could do this…but we were barely making it…so we applied; DENIED!

If it wasn’t for my sister, I honestly don’t know how I would have afforded to clothe my kids. If it wasn’t for my pediatrician giving me free cans of formula, I’m not sure how I would have fed my almost 10 pound baby who was ALWAYS hungry.  We barely had any debt…but we were struggling. I say this with guilt because there are legit poor people out there without food/clothing. We had a savings, but we didn’t want to drain it. We weren't poor, but so broke. We fell through the cracks, being stepped over, just like so many Americans right now. We didn’t qualify for WIC or EBT, much like so many who didn’t receive the stimulus check (whether it be because they couldn’t afford to pay in on their taxes, or they make too much). There are people out there totally abusing the system, living off of these resources as income…yet we couldn’t even receive it temporarily. I know what it’s like to be with someone one day, and then they’re gone the next; (my dad was with me celebrating my husband’s 22^nd birthday one day, and died unexpectedly the next day…3 weeks before he was supposed to walk me down the aisle). We had a small house fire 4 weeks after I had a c-section with my first son because of our neighbor’s negligent act. On the day of our sons 2^nd birthday our house was broken into; we were the innocent victim, yet our insurance went up. My son was life flighted at the age of 4 and we weren’t allowed to fly with him. We were drowning in bills from our youngest sons constant doctor visits, medicines, and tests (that showed nothing when there was clearly an issue). My car was stolen and I never received justice. I had stage 3 pre-cervical cancer that required immediate surgery. I’ve been there; I’ve struggled. I never asked for help because “I didn’t need it”. I was prideful. During the struggle, I never really prayed to God to help me because I felt that's selfish, there were definitely people WAY worse off than me, (although now I know the bible says “come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”). Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own pity parties that they don’t realize those around them drowning….I certainly didn’t want to be like that! We literally once lived pay check to pay check, but we weren’t poor by any means. My children weren’t diagnosed with a life threatening illness; I didn’t have cancer…that right there is countless things to be thankful for. I guarantee if we all put our troubles into a big pile we would realize what little troubles we actually have.

During our struggle my husband and I made so many sacrifices. We didn’t piss our money away partying like so many our age do. We cut out cable. I didn’t dye my hair, or go crazy buying materialistic things. Tyler and I didn’t buy for each other, or go on large vacations (we opted for small adventures, like taking the kids to zoo’s, baseball games, etc...IF We could afford to.) The one thing I didn’t do was question God’s faithfulness. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it all without the power of prayer. Isaiah 41:10 says “fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. The struggle was real. At times I felt it would never end, that we would never get out of the debt that we were now in. BUT, EVERY storm comes to an end eventually. You are not alone. WE MADE IT and we are stronger than before, and you're going to too....but in order to do so, you will have to make sacrifices.

The not so perfect Christian in me wants to say, “we struggled, we made sacrifices…and now you need to figure it out on your own too”. I seriously swear I was born with no empathy!! BUT, I want you to know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out alone.  I am here for you, to help you through this in whatever way that I can. I may not be able to pay your mortgage/rent payment…but I can help you with groceries, or gas, or any other way that I can. I’m here looking for that diamond in the rough. Perhaps you had your life together, and have fallen through the crack. You don't qualify for assistance and you haven’t received a stimulus or unemployment check to help you…I’m here for you. I know what that's like! If anything, I’m just a phone call or text away, to provide a listening ear.

Tyler and I have learned and grown so much through our struggle; it was definitely a humbling experience...and I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone. I'm truly blessed to have such a humble and supportive man beside me. I never would have thought that people who have it all together, who work full time, struggle. They are the ones falling through the cracks and need our help, even if it’s only temporary...because they aren't getting the help they need. I have no doubt in my mind that every experience in life if a lesson of some sort, from God. I can’t learn your lesson for you, but I can definitely help you through it…and I definitely want to be that support system for you. We may not all be in this together, but we can all get through this together.

You might be wondering “how did we get through our struggle?” No, we didn’t take a government bailout. We didn’t receive money from family. We never stopped praying. We never stopped trusting God to help us. Yes, there were times I ended the pay period with less than $1, but I wasn’t negative. By the grace of God I was making it, barely. Despite our struggle, we found ways to still give and bless others. Luke 6:38 says “give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” We may not have always been able to bless others with money, but we never stopped trying to help others in any way that we could. 2 Corinthians 9:7 says “each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” The bible says do not boast about helping others, so I will not go into all that we have done for others….but in order to help others when you can barely help yourself, you must sacrifice. Tyler and I use to opt out of buying each other gifts during holidays so that we could buy for other children, or families, in need during the holiday. After all, life isn’t about materialistic things. Does a used car and a brand new car not get you to the same place? Does a $20 purse and a $200 purse not carry the same things? You could die tomorrow and all your family would be left with is just stuff. Don’t make life about stuff. The bible also says you will be blessed by blessing those who cannot repay you (Luke 14:12-14). Nowhere does it say you have to bless others with a financial blessing. EVERYONE was born with a unique talent or gift, use that to bless others. Sometimes the best blessing is just having someone there to listen. Become that somebody, that you once needed, for someone else.

I truly feel that until we realize that our wants need to be less, and our need for God needs to be more that we will continue to struggle. Often we all want what we don’t have, not realizing all that we do have…when there is someone out there with so much less. Perhaps these people aren’t willing to help themselves, but should their children have to suffer their consequences? Who are we to judge who is worthy of our help when we don’t know their situation? Perhaps they’ve done all that they can do for themselves and still fall short. I hope that if you’re faced with the opportunity to help someone in need that you do, without judging. And I hope that if you need help that you aren’t too prideful to reach out and ask for it. I am here for you. And I will be here to help you in silence. I’m not afraid to share my struggles because i’m not that person anymore. I want others to know what I’ve been through so they never have to feel alone. Just remember, we can get through this together. I will sprinkle the hell out of that cupcake until it not only tastes better, but looks better….and then, I will eat yours for you (if you want me to). Don’t allow yourself to feel alone, you most certainly are not alone.

HYPOCRITES

I have been hearing so much hate lately, bashing our President, governor, etc. and it has just been really weighing on my mind. Here we are, in the midst of a crisis, a pandemic, that no one living within this century has been through before…and suddenly, everyone and their brother "knows it all", and has a better resolution than our leaders. I guarantee they have spent many hours in meetings, perhaps sleepless nights, trying to figure out what to do for our Nation; hopefully they have even prayed about their decisions. They are doing everything they can, within their power, to try and control something that they know so little about. So how about instead of speaking so much hate, pause and lift our leaders up in prayer. Pray that they have the wisdom to know which decision to make, to help us get through this time.

Regardless of what decisions are made, it is impossible to please mankind. Why are humans such assholes?  This makes me think of the 2017 bashing of Joel Olsteen, when he decided not to open his church in Houston to the Harvey hurricane Victims. Without even thinking, people were bashing him left and right calling him a hypocrite, and just bashing Christians in general. I guarantee he prayed long and hard about his decision. I am a fan of Joel’s preaching, which caused me to be called out on his actions. I was speechless; I didn’t know what to say. But, I’ve since had a lot of time to think about it.

The bible says that EVERYONE is born with a distinct talent or gift that sets us apart from others. Whether that be a leader, public speaker, healer, counselor, seamstress, teacher, athlete…everyone has control over their own God given talent to use it to the fullest, if they so choose. Joel is gifted, no doubt. He is a great public speaker/deacon/leader/counselor/teacher/healer. I don’t know about you, but he speaks healing to my soul and is easy to listen to.  1 Peter 4:10-11 says “each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever”. 

Joel does just that. He was definitely called to teach others about God and lead them to salvation. He is NOT Jesus. He was not sent by God to save the world, or find a solution for everything. But I know you are thinking, but how can someone who claims to be a Christian turn away those in need of help? Aren’t Christians supposed to help others? So here is my thought. Say Joel opened his church to thousands misplaced by the hurricane. You have thousands of people, of all kinds, in close quarters. There may be illness among these people that may spread like wildfire in cramped quarters. There may be people who don’t see eye to eye, or who may be under the influence of drugs/alcohol and not in their right minds, causing fights to break out. Someone may become injured...and then what? A lawsuit? Suddenly everything you worked so hard to build becomes nothing because of these people who chose to act so ungodly; who got hurt and want to sue the property owner because he has money and they want to get out of him anything they can for their own personal gain. No wonder 1 Timothy 6:10 warns that the love of money is the root of all evil.

People are so sue happy now days it is absolutely sickening. Just recently our church was attempted to be sued by someone they were helping. Just because you are a Christian/good person, doesn’t mean others are. Often non-christians are out to destroy Christians…the bible even warns that "good will be seen as evil and evil as good"; and Joel is a prime example of this. Joel may be a millionaire, but does that make him a bad person? How does that make him less of a Christian? Joel has used his money to build a very large church that can hold up to 16,800 people. That’s 16,800 opportunities to spread the word of God and preach healing. He used his money to be a blessing to others by spreading the word of God, to heal, and lead people to salvation. All of that could have ended in a blink of an eye , all it takes is one person set out to destroy someone...and the world is FULL OF THEM! I have no doubt Joel was faced with a very difficult decision that day. I have no doubt that he prayed about it, lost sleep over it, and probably questioned himself a hundred times if he was making the right decision or not. 

Regardless of what he chose to do, he would have been criticized by mankind either way….much like our president is today. Romans 8:31 says “as long as you know that God is for you, it doesn’t matter who is against you.” So the question is, do you listen to the demands of man, or do you pray about it, asking God to lead you to make the right decision? The bible doesn’t say to trust man. The bible says over and over to love man and trust God. Psalm 118:8 says “it is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man”. Joel obviously did not seem like the"perfect christian", and just like any human, he’s not always going to be able to help everyone. I think that this, and our current situation with COVID-19, should be a reminder not to judge people for the choices they have to make....especially when you don’t know the options they had to choose from. PRAY for our leaders, for our pastors, for our doctors…they need it more now than ever before.

I by no means am trying to portray myself to be a perfect Christian either, and I certainly hope no one reading this is assuming that I think that I am. I love Jesus…but I cuss a little, or a lot (depending on who’s judging me). I know that I am not perfect, and that is why I need Jesus. Matter of fact, there is no such thing as a perfect Christian….anyone who claims to be is a hypocrite. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” There is not a single person alive who has not disobeyed one of the 10 commandments…and just when you think that you have been following them all, James 4:17 says “it is a sin to know what you ought to do, and then not do it”. BOOM. I bet every person proclaiming to be perfect now realizes they aren’t. If not, how about 2 Timothy 3:1-5? It says “in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power”. THAT pretty much sums up all of mankind!! So, if NO ONE is perfect, and everyone falls short of the glory of God…then why do non-christians ridicule Christians so much?

I’m always hearing people say “I don’t go to church because it’s full of hypocrites”. Is church not a place made for sinners to go to be saved? I think the problem is that there are a lot of false Christians out there who have created a misconception of what church is. People assume it’s a place with a pedestal for perfect Christians to go and worship God. Don’t let these false Christians stop you from your own salvation. 1 John 2:1 says “your salvation can be lost because of something you do, or don’t do.” You will be surprised to learn about some of God’s chosen people in the bible. Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah was a drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Sara was impatient, not trusting God would give to her what he promised….yet, God blessed them all. 1 Corinthians 1:229 says “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called". If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). To repent is to seek forgiveness and do better (not keep repeating the same sins). Romans 8:38 says “you are not defined by your mistakes; you are defined by God. He loves you know matter what". Read that again. NO-MATTER-WHAT. 

It may be really hard and uncomfortable going somewhere where you feel judged, or not good enough…but remember to whom you belong. The church was originally designed for sinners. Are you going for man, or for God? 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.” Just know that a church full of “perfect” Christians is not a church for God, but of man. Who says you have to go to church anyway? There is nothing in the bible that says to be a Christian you have to go to church. It says to be the church. Set an example by acting Christ like. Talking crap on so and so because they are prettier, smarter, or more successful than you definitely isn’t very Christian like. Sadly, I know a lot of “Christians” like this. No wonder envy is a sin…it truly rules and ruins so many peoples lives. How about instead of feeling in competition with your “neighbor”, or your child’s friends mom, wishing that they’d fail so you would look like the better person, that you pray for them?

Despite how you feel toward christians, I guarantee that MOST Christians pray for you during your struggle, without you even knowing it. They are rooting for you, praying healing and peace over you. I can’t even count how many people and/or strangers I have prayed for in my lifetime…it’s kind of the human thing to do (to want others to be well and succeed). Some of these “hypocrite Christians” (like Joel the millionaire) have prayed endlessly about all that they have now. I know for myself, and my family, we have sacrificed so much to be where we are today. Athletically talented people train night and day to be where they are… yet they are criticized, torn down as if they assume that they are “better” than everyone else because of their achievements. God gave them the talent, and they chose to use it to the fullest. If they are rooting for you, then why is it so hard for you to be happy about their accomplishments?

Being a Christian is hard. It certainly is not popular. You are talked bad about, called hypocrites because of the actions of some “false Christians" (as if we’re all the same). But the bible says "pray for those who mistreat you. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, it is mine to avenge, I will repay says the Lord". I think that’s what man must mean by “karma”. Matthew 6:14-15 says “if you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your father will not forgive your sins.” And Leviticus 19:18 says "do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.

Maybe you aren’t sure if there is a God; let me say this….if you have never read the bible, Matthew, Mark and Luke are some of the many chapters who repeat themselves….telling the same story, but in different words. Is this not proof that Jesus existed? Multiple people are retelling the same stories of what they heard/saw. Some of the stories in the bible are hard to believe…Jonah was swallowed by a whale and survived? Moses parted the red sea after following instructions from God to flee the Egyptians? Jesus, a healer and peacemaker, was so hated that he was crucified on a cross and rose from the dead on the third day…just as he said he would!?! All of that sounds like someone drank a little too much wine; but, since it is repeated throughout the bible by different people who witnessed it, is that not proof that it happened? I personally would rather live my life believing there is a God only to find out that there isn’t, than to live life as if there isn’t, and die to find out there is. Hebrew 11:6 says “without faith it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”...and John 20:29 says “blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed.”

What our nation needs right now is for Christians and non-christians to come together and be in peace with one another, not judging, but lifting each other up. If your neighbor doesn’t have toilet paper, give them a roll or two. Perhaps you have fallen on hard times and can’t help out anyone financially…you don’t have to have money to be a blessing to someone. If someone thinks otherwise, maybe they aren’t worthy of your help. But who are we to decide who is worthy and who is not worthy?

As an imperfect Christian, the first time I saw someone wearing pajamas to church, appearing to be on some sort of drugs, I was taken back. I was sitting in church staring and judging these people, thinking did you even try to be presentable? Immediately I asked God to forgive me of my thoughts. Who am I to be sitting in church judging these people? What if those people were homeless and the only clothes they had were the dirty looking pajamas they had on? Do you think Jesus would have singled them out in the crowd he was preaching to and say “you, in the pajamas, you aren’t worthy of my preaching because you aren’t dressed appropriately, go, leave now!”…absolutely not! I guaranteed he would have called them to him and helped them. I can’t say with 100% certainly that these people were under the influence of drugs, but it certainly appeared that way (based on their appearance and movements). But who am I to judge? Are these not the people who need God the most? Aren’t these the people we should be calling to church and praying for the most…rooting for them in their recovery?

I, as an imperfect Christian, have also really struggled with homosexuality. I find it gross, and as a former Baptist, I was raised that it is wrong. Now days, I know quite a few of these people, and all of them are genuine, nice people. I have really wrestled with my beliefs, feeling should I befriend these people because they aren’t living a lifestyle that I can approve of? After all, 1 Corinthians 15:33 says “do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character”….bad company? Some of these people were some of the kindest, most selfless people I have ever met in my life...better than many “false Christians” that I know! Perhaps my feelings are because of how I was raised. So I decided to turn to the bible myself. I wanted to know what the bible really said. Yes, in the Old Testament there was stoning of these people; but, that was before Jesus came to die on the cross for our sins. What I did find in the bible was this “do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you”. So who am I to judge? My husband said it to me best…if it was your son, would you stop loving him because he was gay? And my answer? Absolutely not! Honestly, I don’t know how anyone could disown their own child! Yes, you can be extremely disappointed in them, but, real love doesn’t just stop. But really, who are we to judge? We are not God.

At judgment God isn’t going to ask you to account for the sins of others, he’s going to ask you about the life that YOU lived and the sins YOU committed. I know that daily I am trying to become a better person than I was yesterday, and sometimes that includes letting people go who are holding you back, or are a bad influence. I feel that everyone comes into our lives for a reason, to teach us a lesson, or guide us a long the way, to help us live the life that was chosen for us...but not everyone is meant to stay.

I have definetly grown so much as a Christian over the last 10 years…and I don’t need anyone’s approval or applause for that. But being a Christian is hard, and certainly not popular. But I have to remind myself daily, whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. I have turned away from so many people because of their constant gossip, or because they never have anything good to say about anyone, or anything….or from some who's life style I just don't want for myself or my family. I certainly don’t feel I am any better than any of these people, and I definitely don’t feel any bad feelings or hate in my heart toward them…I just know the person I am trying to become (for myself), and it’s hard to become that person when constantly tempted. It is so easy to jump in and talk down on someone...especially if you are mad at them….and sometimes (like at work) it is so hard to avoid!!

Just remember, there is NO such thing as a perfect Christian (we are all human). Matthew 11:28 says "even the strongest of us have moments when the burdens of life seem too great. It's then that the Lord whispers comes to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." NEVER stop praying!! Pray not only for your friends/family, but for your enemies, leaders, teachers, preachers, those who wish for you to fail. The greatest commandments in the bible are “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and “love your neighbor as yourself”. So, even if our president “isn’t your president”…he is technically your neighbor/brother in Gods eyes. Even if you don’t claim to be a Christian, it costs NOTHING to be a decent human being. If you feel singled out or offended by anything I have to say, perhaps that is God asking you to reevaluate the life you are living. After all, there is a reason we are plagued with a pandemic right now. Maybe this is God’s way of slowing life down so people have time to think, to reconnect, to reach out to him, to repent, to spend time with those who were meant to matter (a.k.a your family) that have been pushed aside because you are too busy chasing money and following idols. Coincidence? I think not. And just remember, before you judge others (good people or bad)…remember that it is a sin to judge and hold others lower than you. No one owes anyone an explanation for their actions, or to account for the actions of other Christians. Remember to whom you belong. Leave it to God. Be in peace, living your own life. Do not concern yourself with the life of others…it is not the life God has created for you. Strive to become all that God created YOU to be.

P.S....i' m totally in love with this song! <3

https://youtu.be/8f1hiY-cciM

Not What You're Expecting

My oldest son turned seven yesterday, April 3^rd….that doesn’t even seem possible!! I remember when I was a kid the years always seemed so long and now they are so short; they are flying by so fast! I remember when I was about his age (maybe a little older), I would pray to God for a baby, (in the most innocent way). I would ask God to place the baby on our front porch, and I promised to take very good care of her…yes HER. I made sure God knew I only wanted a girl baby, NO BOYS!!

In 2012, I became pregnant with my first child. Despite all of my childhood prayers, I was really hoping for a boy. If I could only have one child, I hoped it was a son to play catch with, and go fishing, and do all the outdoor things that I enjoyed doing with my dad and brother. If I had more than one child, I wanted a son first to be a protector over his future sister. During my pregnancy I never prayed to God about the sex of my child because that didn’t really matter, but daily I prayed over the health of my child. I made sure I let God know that I didn’t care if it was a boy or girl, as long as they were healthy. But, I had one small request…and it was kind of a joke (that I will joke about for the rest of my life). My ONLY request was that my child did NOT have red hair!! On April 03, 2013, after 39 weeks of a miserable pregnancy, we welcomed our first son, Jerrick Anthony. He was 9lbs, 1.5 oz and healthy! For this child I have prayed and the Lord granted the desires of my heart. (1 Samuel 1:27)

Jerrick was a super easy going, passive baby. He had the biggest eyes and was always smiling. Since 6 weeks old, he slept through the night; I was honestly on cloud nine…he was perfect! It took almost a year before he had any teeth, or hair…but when he did, thankfully it wasn’t red! His hair wasn’t red, but it was ORANGE!! I laughed thinking this was some joke from my late father. My dad passed away unexpectedly in 2011, 13 days after turning 49. We always joked around about “gingers” and here was my son…a ginger! Between 2012-2019 seven grandsons were born between my siblings…3 of them with orange hair!! Ironically, my brothers step daughter has orange hair too…if that’s not a sign that it was meant to be between my brother and his wife I don’t know what is!

Jerrick was a BIG baby! Up until the age of 2 he was always in the 90^tth percentile. I was relieved because I am only 5’1". Most of the men on my dad’s side of the family are small, 5’10”, or less, and thin, but muscular; (for reference, when my dad passed away, he was 5’10ish, wore size 30/30 jeans and 8 shoe). I really did not want my son to be petite…because let’s be honest, who wants to date a guy smaller than them? I also feared my son being bullied if he was small, especially having "red" hair. I was relieved that my son clearly took after my husband’s family. He was a big boy, and so adorable!!

Fast forward to 2020, Jerrick is a total Lemens!! There is no doubt he takes after my dad’s side of the family. He looks like a Lemens and is SO PETITE; how did that happen!?!  Today, at 7 yrs old, he is 46.5 lbs and 45.5” tall. He only wears size 12 shoe, and has the tiniest teeth I’ve ever seen (he hasn’t even lost a tooth yet!) It’s as if he became everything I hoped he wouldn’t be; BUT, I wouldn’t change my little ginger for ANYTHING! My only hope in life now is that as he grows up, the world will see him for all that he is on the inside; that future girls won’t be like me (not giving him a chance because he is a petite ginger). Man, what kind of person was I? Not willing to give someone a chance because they weren’t what I visioned in my head. I hope that Jerrick is seen as the humble, sweet, passive, funny guy that he is…he is seriously such a great kid. He definitely has his father’s personality!  I have no doubt in my mind that God chose me to be Jerrick’s mom for a reason; to teach me what really matters, to help me become humble, and not base my opinion on outward things. 1Samuel 16:7 says “do not consider his appearance or his height; the Lord does not look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart”. Thank you Lord for blessing me with a child with a heart of gold, to teach me of your will, and humble my heart. Thank you for blessing me with exactly what I needed, and not what I thought I wanted. I am truly blessed.

Jerrick wasn’t even two yet, but I was totally ready for another baby!! We agreed we were going to have just two kids. At the time, I was home alone a lot; but, I had two hands…so 2 kids was perfect, I could totally handle it on my own when I had to! In December 2014 I became pregnant again. I was so excited. I was careful not to make any requests (but the bible says God knows the desires of your heart). I was secretly hoping for a daughter. I loved being a boy mom, but I wanted to experience all the joys of a daughter too. We were going to be that “all American family; a family of 4, a son and a daughter…it sounded so perfect!! We eventually had an ultra sound and learned that we were expecting a BOY!! I know some parents who express disappointment when the sex of their child wasn’t what they wanted. I want to be very clear there was never a second of disappointment. I was planning to have a tubal litigation, (although people tried to convince me otherwise), saying what if you decide to try again for a girl; after all, I was only 25. But I didn’t care, we agreed on two kids and I was perfectly happy having another son. What a blessing that my son will have a brother, and hopefully a life long best friend. I prayed over my unborn sons health daily, and petitioned God for an inseparable bond between my boys. I was totally ready to rock this boy mom life; bring-it-on!

For any of you who don’t know what it’s like to be a boy mom it means being outside 24/7, not necessarily because they want to be…but because they have SO MUCH energy that needs to be burned!! It’s endless play in the dirt. It’s all things bugs, worms, dinosaurs, and fast cars…endless hours of legos, and every conversation involves something about a video game, or something slightly inappropriate. It’s sports all year long (even out of season), and lots of talk about poop, farts and “ding dongs”. No matter how hard you try to make it stop, there will always be some sort of inappropriate talk or touching of their private parts (I type this as my son runs around with a balloon sticking out of his butt). It’s seriously NEVER ending!! It can be exhausting; but, they are also so good to their mama, and not at all sassy. I love being a boy mom…and how lucky am I to be blessed with two sons!

On September 21, 2015, at 39 weeks, our second son, Camden Tyler, was born weighing 9 lbs, 7.3 oz. He was PERFECT, literally! I have never heard of an APGAR test, but our doctor was boasting about how Camden scored a perfect ten, stating he has maybe only one baby score that high every 1-2 years. I am naturally competitive, so I was on cloud nine.  I vowed to raise this son exactly like my last one, and to treat them exactly the same. 

Okay, so Camden is not Jerrick. He was a VERY clingy baby. If he didn’t see me he cried…like literally, if he didn’t smell me he cried. It took 8 weeks, but at least he was sleeping through the night, in his own crib. As long as he was getting plenty of attention he was happy, and he was getting plenty of it from his 2 yr old brother. Cam had dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes; exactly what I envisioned Jerrick would look like! God, thank you for blessing me with two handsome, and healthy children…I pray that you continue to grow their bond, and that it is inseparable.

Fast forward. By the time Camden was 2 ½ he was diagnosed with asthma and it was out of control most of the time. He also appeared to have an intolerance, or allergy, to eggs. Most days Camden was on Zyrtec, Singulair, albuterol and for a short time pulmicort. He eventually started having absence seizures. This didn't happen until after he began pulmicort, but the doctors didn’t feel the connection was related, stating it's not a listed side effect; (however, other mom blogs on google were telling me different). The risk was far greater taking him off of this inhaled steroid, verse keeping him on it; but, eventually, against doctor recommendations, I began weening him off of it. Throughout his 2 short years of life he not only was diagnosed with asthma, but he had had pneumonia, multiple ear and sinus infections and his first set of tubes in his ears. He went through several rounds of steroid shots trying to control it all (no wonder he is so big, perhaps it’s finally catching up to him!) By age 3 he had allergy and epilepsy testing….by the grace of God they both showed nothing, which was actually frustrating! Umm God, hello? I am exhausted down here. But, I NEVER stopped praying over the health of my children and God answered my prayers. Camden is now 4 ½ and hasn’t had any seizures since he stopped pulmicort. He no longer has an egg intolerance and magically his asthma is so controlled he hasn’t had a treatment in at least 6 months! Just last month he was diagnosed with influenza B. To be honest, I was worried given his history (I do not give my kids the flu shot because I feel it's ineffective)...but I knew he was higher risk for getting pneumonia again. But Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart”; so instead of worrying, I prayed over him continuously, trusting God to protect him from this virus that can wreak havoc, and after 2 short days he was 100% healed and as hyper as ever! God is truly an unfailing God and I am so blessed.

Cams toddler years (long story short I SURVIVED), were so trying! When he was 1-2 years old he purposely would over flow the toilets…this happened at least 3 times. If you read my last blog, part of that postpartum depression came from exhaustion from trying to control this strong willed, wild child, and all the health problems that developed with him. He is my Mr. independent, no wonder he potty trained so fast! He is so sneaky and hyper!! We literally only buy sugar free juice and popsicles because he just can't handle sugar…he’s like a wild bull in an antique store. Just the other day I caught him dressed as spiderman attempting to jump from his bunk bed. If you tell him not to do something you better believe that he is going to do it! Last fall, his preschool traced him and asked him to draw himself (eyes, nose, mouth, etc)….I don't think his teachers were prepared to see that he drew a foot long “ding dong”…let me remind you, he's four! Pray for me!! Oh Cam, he is something special. Somehow he brings me great joy, although at times he makes me lose my mind. I am seriously always laughing because of him. Teachers watch out…here comes your class clown! Most days I "live in fear" wondering what will come out of his mouth. He is currently obsessed with the word fat...I am really hoping that this too shall pass. He is also so rough. I don’t think he realizes how big he is. For reference, he’s 1 pound heavier, and 2” shorter than his 7 yr old brother! Just the other day he said “Hey Jerrick”…and when Jerrick turned Cam punched him right in the stomach. Where does this behavior come from?!?  It doesn’t matter how I discipline him…Camden is so ornery, and I think he loves being in trouble! I am a little worried about Camden starting school. At Jerrick's parent teacher meeting last year, we were in the library (the librarian being a bigger woman), and as we were leaving, Camden said “bye big butt”!! Oh-M-Gee, I’m dying!! Thankfully she didn’t understand him because she asked “what sweety”? Nothing I said covering his mouth and pushing him out the door...there was nothing sweet about that and certainly didn't need repeated!!  Jerrick’s teachers have all boasted to me about his behavior and I am worried what they will think of Camden. I have completely exhausted myself as far as my mom tricks go. I have tried all forms of discipline and I have accepted the fact that this child is just wild and cannot be tamed! I finally decided to give up and turn to God. After all, Mark11:24 says “therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”.  I started praying for obedience over Cam when he was about 3 1/2 or so, asking that he would become disciplined. Ironically when he turned 4 he became this sweet little “angel”. He is still so ornery, but he is so sweet! His preschool teachers have even complimented me several times on the change in his behavior…what a relief!! All it took to make this change happen was giving up and giving it to God! WHY do I always wait until I reach rock bottom to give it to God?!?

Camden is exactly what I didn’t know I needed! He has taught me SO much patience…the #1 thing I lacked before! He's taught me not to sweat the little things. Before Cam, I cleaned up my house EVERY night…now I know it will just be destroyed again tomorrow, so I can go to bed in peace knowing that there is a mess and it’s “okay”. I never use to let Jerrick wear character clothes or light up shoes simply because I didn't like it (he honestly never expressed wanting to anyway). My superhero obsessed Cam almost always wears character light up shoes and clothes, and he rocks them! There have even been times Camden has worn costumes in public, when it wasn’t Halloween! I have learned some battles aren’t worth fighting and childhood imagination is so short lived! He taught me that materialistic things don’t matter and laughter is the best medicine. My children are so opposite; but, they are always exactly what I need. What a reminder that God knows exactly what we need, without us even knowing it. God thank you for blessing me with exactly what I needed, and not what I thought I wanted. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to reflect back on it, to realize, and learn through it all.

Being a boy mom of two or more boys is different than having one son. It is a WWE match around here 24/7. Something is ALWAYS breaking!! It’s twice the dirt and inappropriate talk…I am convinced you cannot take the orneriness out of little boys. For example, A few months ago my oldest son was singing the song Baby Got Back, saying "I like big butts and I cannot lie"; my husband told him to knock it off and asked him where he learned that song...any guesses his response? JESUS...yes...he blamed Jesus for teaching him about big booty girls. I think that just proves that it doesn't matter how boys are raised, they're just born ornery!! I absolutely love being a boy mom though. It is by far the hardest and most rewarding job out there, no doubt!

At times I can’t help but feel guilt. Do men ever experience this, or is it just a mom thing? How is it my kids are so different, yet I raised them exactly the same? Did I spend too much time on Jerrick and not enough time on Cam? People would always joke around when my boys were 1 & 3, and 2 & 4 yrs old that I “favored” Jerrick….I of course always denied it because I certainly didn’t feel that way in my heart. Jerrick was just older and did more so I always had more to say about him. I know what favoritism looks like and I vow to never do that, it’s awful! I love both of my boys equally, but differently…differently because they are oh so different!! My little Camden requires so much discipline and supervision, he cannot be trusted!! Jerrick is so obedient. He absolutely hates being in trouble and is such a passive, easy going kid. I laugh typing this, because having Jerrick made me boast and then having Cam was like a smack in the face, which made me humble. Lesson learned God, thanks. But, sometimes I cant help but wonder if I failed Cam somewhere. A couple weeks ago, my husband was going over number flash cards with him and asked him what the #11 was. Without hesitation Cam said “that’s pause!” FAIL! He is so silly! I honestly can’t tell if he’s kidding or being serious! I’m thankful his birthday falls late because I definitely don’t feel he is ready to start school in the fall. God knew he wouldn’t be ready, so no wonder he was born after the cut off….he will be nearly 6 when he finally starts, and I feel that's needed. At this age, Jerrick knew all of his numbers, letters and their sound. He started school at 5 and already knew how to spell his first and last name. Camden FINALLY learned how to spell his first name, and well, we are still working on everything else. At age 4, Jerrick was playing soccer, basketball and youth coach pitch baseball…and he was good at it! Ever since J was 2, we got compliments on how straight he threw and I never understood it…but having Cam, now I get it! My LEFTY Cam cant throw a ball for the life of him; it goes straight down, about 2 feet in front of him. He can’t kick a ball without hopping…where did I go wrong? Did I fail my son? I tried so hard to train and raise him the same as J, but they are obviously so different. Camden has no care in the world. If you try to correct him he’s done. He is a strong willed, free spirit. Maybe sports wont be his thing, although he’s finally showing interest. Maybe he’s just a late bloomer…or maybe he just wont be athletic. Although i'm currently comparing him to his brother, I want him to know not to compare himself to others, especially his brother! Jerrick was born with a natural athletic gift, and although it comes easy to him, it doesn’t give Cam an excuse not to try. He can become a great athlete one day if he wants to, but he may have to train and try a lot harder to get there. There is no doubt in my mind that Camden would make a good wrestler, or monster truck driver…he is crazy!! 

 2 Corinthians 6:17 says “why work so hard to fit in when you were called to be set apart?” THAT is my confirmation that there is no need to compare my sons. Despite the fact I feel I have raised them the same, Cam was not born to be a shadow of his brother…and I certainly do not want him to be!! I hope others don’t try to compare them, because they were born to be different and are both perfect in their own ways. If I can succeed at teaching my boys anything in life, it would be that it’s okay to be different; what’s not okay is envy and trying to become something or someone they’re not. 

Sometimes in life we become so focused on trying to follow, or become like others (popular, rich, etc.) that we lose track of who God created us to be. The person you’re supposed to follow is God, no one else. When you find yourself envying someone else’s life, STOP, and realize that what you are going through at this very moment is Gods way of shaping you into who you’re meant to be. When life is out of your control, instead of questioning “God why”, trying saying God I know this is your will, help me through it. Thank him during the trial, it usually is a test of faith. Thank God for blessing you with what you didn’t know you needed and help lead you to become all that you are called to be. 1Thessalonians 5:18 says “in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” Thank God through the trials and know that where you are at in this very moment is exactly where God intends for you to be. Be open to receiving the message he is trying to teach you. One day you will look back and it will all make sense. Until then, trust the person who created you to lead you.

I'm sure this blog probably wasn’t what you were expecting…but I guess that's life!