We Are Not All in This Together

I’ve been seeing a lot of encouraging signs lately saying “we are all in this together”. It’s so nice seeing words of encouragement, especially when the media chooses to only share negative news. In a time as questionable as this, people are “coming together”, lending a hand, and helping out one another...that’s awesome! Christian or not, it literally costs nothing to be a good person. MAYBE mankind isn’t so bad after all. But are we really all in this together…or is that just like sugar sprinkled on top of a cupcake to make this situation "taste" better?

A co-worker shared something with me today that said “we are not all in this together”…and it REALLY spoke in volumes to me. WE-ARE-NOT-ALL-IN-THIS-TOGETHER! WHAT?!? Yes, I said it…and it’s true! We may think that we are all in this together, but we are NOT. Yes, the covid-19 pandemic is real. Yes, there is a “shut down” in place. Yes, we are all affected in some way. But to say we are all in this together…as in we are all struggling in the same way (fighting to pay bills, survive, grieving the loss of loved ones) is-a-lie!

My husband and I have been very fortunate throughout all of this. I like to think that I have counted my blessings; but, I am truly grateful to not be effected by any of this. We have been very fortunate to be considered essential, and we are both still working full time. We haven’t had to skip or postpone any payments. We aren’t living paycheck to paycheck, wondering how we will get by, and we aren’t going hungry. We don’t have to worry about going into foreclosure, and so far, we are very fortunate to have not lost any loved ones due to this pandemic. We are blessed! Childcare has been a struggle to find, we are currently paying out the ass for it, but how can I even complain in times like these when so many are struggling to make ends meet!?!

Lately my husband and I have really become addicted to budgeting (there could always be worse addictions right?!) The month is ending, which means I will finally get paid, and I can’t help but notice that I still have money in my account…and that’s after transferring money into savings (and no, that’s not including the stimulus check).  Dave Ramsey says you should ALWAYS end the month with $0 (anything remaining should be transferred into savings). MAYBE I didn’t transfer as much as I should have. Did I forget to pay something? NOPE! I re-ran my numbers over and over, checking for an error; nothing. Perhaps i’m spending less because “everything is shut down”….the $107.00 in receipts from eating out this month says that’s a lie! Sadly that doesn’t include what my husband spent, whoops! Oddly my husband said he has extra money too and couldn’t make sense of it. We’ve both paid all of our bills, put money into savings, and paid roughly $200 extra in childcare. HOW DO WE HAVE “EXTRA” MONEY?!? Daily I have been praying to God for guidance and wisdom, asking him to help me be a blessing to others…could this be my opportunity? Is THIS my sign? We both don’t understand it. But that’s the crazy thing about God…he allows things to happen that make NO SENSE, to prove that he is the one in control. Philippians 4:19 says “and my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” “For nothing will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37).

So no, we are not all in this together. We may all be living through the same pandemic…but we aren’t all experiencing this together. People are losing their loved ones…parents, children, siblings, co-workers; dying ALONE in the hospital. How many of you have been through that? People are living in absolute fear of the unknown; their mental health compromised. Businesses are closing, some FOREVER. Farmers have a ton of food going to waste because the lack of demand with so many schools and restaurants being shut down right now. Locally owned and small businesses can’t survive; thus, people are losing their jobs. Perhaps that’s not so bad. I hear people are getting OVER $600 a week on unemployment right now…even those who are working (but hours have been significantly cut). I guarantee they weren’t making that before all of this...so technically "they’re benefiting"! I can’t feel too bad for them, they are better off than me….and I’m still working full time! But how about those who have been laid off…or lost their job PERMANENTLY, and HAVEN’T received ANY unemployment check yet? Sadly, it's not even guaranteed. Perhaps you’re a small business who has received the $11,000 stimulus that you allegedly don’t have to pay back. How do you feel seeing other small businesses close because they couldn’t hold out for the stimulus they never received? Most small businesses are family owned and operated. Their ancestors poured their heart and soul into founding these businesses that started from nothing. That $3,400.00 stimulus check that I didn’t need was nice…until I found out that some people who-needed-it haven’t received one. I know people who have busted their ass at factories for over 20 years that have been let go. These people have families that relied on their income. I know several people who have taken the “monthly loan forgiveness option”…not realizing that the debt has to be paid in full once this pandemic is over….as in, if you couldn’t pay your $800 mortgage this month, or next month, in three months you now owe $2,400.00 (yes, read the fine print). What if they had no other option? You don’t have a savings and you can’t afford to pay your debts…so now what? My own twin sister is in this predicament. Her hours have been so significantly cut, yet her employer refuses to close and if they lay them off there's a chance they won't get their job back. So she can’t get unemployment, and doesn’t qualify for financial assistance. If she does finally get unemployment to make up for the cut in hours, it could be a month before she sees any of that. I can’t help but think how will our economy ever financially recover from this 2 trillion dollar loan? Is this going to force us into socialism? I keep hearing buy “American made, support our economy”…yet so many products sold in the USA are imported. People say “shop local”. How can we shop local if our local businesses are closed? What if they can’t hold out another week or so until we start re-opening? So many have already spent this stimulus check because they had debts they couldn’t pay, or families to feed. How are we to stimulate the economy when it went toward outstanding debt? And for the rest of us, we just socked it into savings…saving it for the unknown, or hoping for an early retirement. So no, we are not in this together. We are all just trying to stay afloat, riding out the same storm. You really don't know how the person next to you is...are they drowning? I've been hearing about a lot of suicides lately...this too shall pass. Have faith; you're worth more to your family alive. Suddenly I am feeling guilty. I really haven’t checked in with any friends or family to see if they’re okay. Not just financially, but mentally. I guess I just have been so wrapped up in working, picking up my kids, rushing home to get dinner going/cleaned up, enjoy a little bit of this nice weather before night falls, kids bathed…oh but wait, I am now a teacher, so I have to make time for that too, get the kids to bed and try not to fall asleep so I can find sometime for myself/husband. Wow. Life really hasn’t slowed down for me one bit. But that shouldn’t be my excuse. I really do hope all of my friends, family and “enemies” are doing okay, both mentally, physically, and financially.

We may not be in this together, but you are not alone. I may not be struggling right now, but I know what you are going through. When I had my first son I prayed and planned for him. We had ALL of our debt (less our mortgage) paid off. I was able to stay home with him for nearly a year. Then our second son came…and suddenly we were struggling. We still just had a mortgage, and “now” a small car payment. We knew the expense of diapers, formula and childcare. We planned for this second child, we were prepared…where did we go wrong? I guess we didn’t account for having two in diapers, or paying up to $900/month in childcare…that was more than our mortgage! We were prideful; there was no way we were going to apply for help (WIC/EBT), we could do this…but we were barely making it…so we applied; DENIED!

If it wasn’t for my sister, I honestly don’t know how I would have afforded to clothe my kids. If it wasn’t for my pediatrician giving me free cans of formula, I’m not sure how I would have fed my almost 10 pound baby who was ALWAYS hungry.  We barely had any debt…but we were struggling. I say this with guilt because there are legit poor people out there without food/clothing. We had a savings, but we didn’t want to drain it. We weren't poor, but so broke. We fell through the cracks, being stepped over, just like so many Americans right now. We didn’t qualify for WIC or EBT, much like so many who didn’t receive the stimulus check (whether it be because they couldn’t afford to pay in on their taxes, or they make too much). There are people out there totally abusing the system, living off of these resources as income…yet we couldn’t even receive it temporarily. I know what it’s like to be with someone one day, and then they’re gone the next; (my dad was with me celebrating my husband’s 22^nd birthday one day, and died unexpectedly the next day…3 weeks before he was supposed to walk me down the aisle). We had a small house fire 4 weeks after I had a c-section with my first son because of our neighbor’s negligent act. On the day of our sons 2^nd birthday our house was broken into; we were the innocent victim, yet our insurance went up. My son was life flighted at the age of 4 and we weren’t allowed to fly with him. We were drowning in bills from our youngest sons constant doctor visits, medicines, and tests (that showed nothing when there was clearly an issue). My car was stolen and I never received justice. I had stage 3 pre-cervical cancer that required immediate surgery. I’ve been there; I’ve struggled. I never asked for help because “I didn’t need it”. I was prideful. During the struggle, I never really prayed to God to help me because I felt that's selfish, there were definitely people WAY worse off than me, (although now I know the bible says “come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”). Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their own pity parties that they don’t realize those around them drowning….I certainly didn’t want to be like that! We literally once lived pay check to pay check, but we weren’t poor by any means. My children weren’t diagnosed with a life threatening illness; I didn’t have cancer…that right there is countless things to be thankful for. I guarantee if we all put our troubles into a big pile we would realize what little troubles we actually have.

During our struggle my husband and I made so many sacrifices. We didn’t piss our money away partying like so many our age do. We cut out cable. I didn’t dye my hair, or go crazy buying materialistic things. Tyler and I didn’t buy for each other, or go on large vacations (we opted for small adventures, like taking the kids to zoo’s, baseball games, etc...IF We could afford to.) The one thing I didn’t do was question God’s faithfulness. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it all without the power of prayer. Isaiah 41:10 says “fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. The struggle was real. At times I felt it would never end, that we would never get out of the debt that we were now in. BUT, EVERY storm comes to an end eventually. You are not alone. WE MADE IT and we are stronger than before, and you're going to too....but in order to do so, you will have to make sacrifices.

The not so perfect Christian in me wants to say, “we struggled, we made sacrifices…and now you need to figure it out on your own too”. I seriously swear I was born with no empathy!! BUT, I want you to know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out alone.  I am here for you, to help you through this in whatever way that I can. I may not be able to pay your mortgage/rent payment…but I can help you with groceries, or gas, or any other way that I can. I’m here looking for that diamond in the rough. Perhaps you had your life together, and have fallen through the crack. You don't qualify for assistance and you haven’t received a stimulus or unemployment check to help you…I’m here for you. I know what that's like! If anything, I’m just a phone call or text away, to provide a listening ear.

Tyler and I have learned and grown so much through our struggle; it was definitely a humbling experience...and I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone. I'm truly blessed to have such a humble and supportive man beside me. I never would have thought that people who have it all together, who work full time, struggle. They are the ones falling through the cracks and need our help, even if it’s only temporary...because they aren't getting the help they need. I have no doubt in my mind that every experience in life if a lesson of some sort, from God. I can’t learn your lesson for you, but I can definitely help you through it…and I definitely want to be that support system for you. We may not all be in this together, but we can all get through this together.

You might be wondering “how did we get through our struggle?” No, we didn’t take a government bailout. We didn’t receive money from family. We never stopped praying. We never stopped trusting God to help us. Yes, there were times I ended the pay period with less than $1, but I wasn’t negative. By the grace of God I was making it, barely. Despite our struggle, we found ways to still give and bless others. Luke 6:38 says “give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” We may not have always been able to bless others with money, but we never stopped trying to help others in any way that we could. 2 Corinthians 9:7 says “each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” The bible says do not boast about helping others, so I will not go into all that we have done for others….but in order to help others when you can barely help yourself, you must sacrifice. Tyler and I use to opt out of buying each other gifts during holidays so that we could buy for other children, or families, in need during the holiday. After all, life isn’t about materialistic things. Does a used car and a brand new car not get you to the same place? Does a $20 purse and a $200 purse not carry the same things? You could die tomorrow and all your family would be left with is just stuff. Don’t make life about stuff. The bible also says you will be blessed by blessing those who cannot repay you (Luke 14:12-14). Nowhere does it say you have to bless others with a financial blessing. EVERYONE was born with a unique talent or gift, use that to bless others. Sometimes the best blessing is just having someone there to listen. Become that somebody, that you once needed, for someone else.

I truly feel that until we realize that our wants need to be less, and our need for God needs to be more that we will continue to struggle. Often we all want what we don’t have, not realizing all that we do have…when there is someone out there with so much less. Perhaps these people aren’t willing to help themselves, but should their children have to suffer their consequences? Who are we to judge who is worthy of our help when we don’t know their situation? Perhaps they’ve done all that they can do for themselves and still fall short. I hope that if you’re faced with the opportunity to help someone in need that you do, without judging. And I hope that if you need help that you aren’t too prideful to reach out and ask for it. I am here for you. And I will be here to help you in silence. I’m not afraid to share my struggles because i’m not that person anymore. I want others to know what I’ve been through so they never have to feel alone. Just remember, we can get through this together. I will sprinkle the hell out of that cupcake until it not only tastes better, but looks better….and then, I will eat yours for you (if you want me to). Don’t allow yourself to feel alone, you most certainly are not alone.