Saturday, April 4, 2020

Not What You're Expecting


My oldest son turned seven yesterday, April 3rd….that doesn’t even seem possible!! I remember when I was a kid the years always seemed so long and now they are so short; they are flying by so fast! I remember when I was about his age (maybe a little older), I would pray to God for a baby, (in the most innocent way). I would ask God to place the baby on our front porch, and I promised to take very good care of her…yes HER. I made sure God knew I only wanted a girl baby, NO BOYS!!

In 2012, I became pregnant with my first child. Despite all of my childhood prayers, I was really hoping for a boy. If I could only have one child, I hoped it was a son to play catch with, and go fishing, and do all the outdoor things that I enjoyed doing with my dad and brother. If I had more than one child, I wanted a son first to be a protector over his future sister. During my pregnancy I never prayed to God about the sex of my child because that didn’t really matter, but daily I prayed over the health of my child. I made sure I let God know that I didn’t care if it was a boy or girl, as long as they were healthy. But, I had one small request…and it was kind of a joke (that I will joke about for the rest of my life). My ONLY request was that my child did NOT have red hair!! On April 03, 2013, after 39 weeks of a miserable pregnancy, we welcomed our first son, Jerrick Anthony. He was 9lbs, 1.5 oz and healthy! For this child I have prayed and the Lord granted the desires of my heart. (1 Samuel 1:27)

Jerrick was a super easy going, passive baby. He had the biggest eyes and was always smiling. Since 6 weeks old, he slept through the night; I was honestly on cloud nine…he was perfect! It took almost a year before he had any teeth, or hair…but when he did, thankfully it wasn’t red! His hair wasn’t red, but it was ORANGE!! I laughed thinking this was some joke from my late father. My dad passed away unexpectedly in 2011, 13 days after turning 49. We always joked around about “gingers” and here was my son…a ginger! Between 2012-2019 seven grandsons were born between my siblings…3 of them with orange hair!! Ironically, my brothers step daughter has orange hair too…if that’s not a sign that it was meant to be between my brother and his wife I don’t know what is!

Jerrick was a BIG baby! Up until the age of 2 he was always in the 90tth percentile. I was relieved because I am only 5’1". Most of the men on my dad’s side of the family are small, 5’10”, or less, and thin, but muscular; (for reference, when my dad passed away, he was 5’10ish, wore size 30/30 jeans and 8 shoe). I really did not want my son to be petite…because let’s be honest, who wants to date a guy smaller than them? I also feared my son being bullied if he was small, especially having "red" hair. I was relieved that my son clearly took after my husband’s family. He was a big boy, and so adorable!!

Fast forward to 2020, Jerrick is a total Lemens!! There is no doubt he takes after my dad’s side of the family. He looks like a Lemens and is SO PETITE; how did that happen!?!  Today, at 7 yrs old, he is 46.5 lbs and 45.5” tall. He only wears size 12 shoe, and has the tiniest teeth I’ve ever seen (he hasn’t even lost a tooth yet!) It’s as if he became everything I hoped he wouldn’t be; BUT, I wouldn’t change my little ginger for ANYTHING! My only hope in life now is that as he grows up, the world will see him for all that he is on the inside; that future girls won’t be like me (not giving him a chance because he is a petite ginger). Man, what kind of person was I? Not willing to give someone a chance because they weren’t what I visioned in my head. I hope that Jerrick is seen as the humble, sweet, passive, funny guy that he is…he is seriously such a great kid. He definitely has his father’s personality!  I have no doubt in my mind that God chose me to be Jerrick’s mom for a reason; to teach me what really matters, to help me become humble, and not base my opinion on outward things. 1Samuel 16:7 says “do not consider his appearance or his height; the Lord does not look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart”. Thank you Lord for blessing me with a child with a heart of gold, to teach me of your will, and humble my heart. Thank you for blessing me with exactly what I needed, and not what I thought I wanted. I am truly blessed.

Jerrick wasn’t even two yet, but I was totally ready for another baby!! We agreed we were going to have just two kids. At the time, I was home alone a lot; but, I had two hands…so 2 kids was perfect, I could totally handle it on my own when I had to! In December 2014 I became pregnant again. I was so excited. I was careful not to make any requests (but the bible says God knows the desires of your heart). I was secretly hoping for a daughter. I loved being a boy mom, but I wanted to experience all the joys of a daughter too. We were going to be that “all American family; a family of 4, a son and a daughter…it sounded so perfect!! We eventually had an ultra sound and learned that we were expecting a BOY!! I know some parents who express disappointment when the sex of their child wasn’t what they wanted. I want to be very clear there was never a second of disappointment. I was planning to have a tubal litigation, (although people tried to convince me otherwise), saying what if you decide to try again for a girl; after all, I was only 25. But I didn’t care, we agreed on two kids and I was perfectly happy having another son. What a blessing that my son will have a brother, and hopefully a life long best friend. I prayed over my unborn sons health daily, and petitioned God for an inseparable bond between my boys. I was totally ready to rock this boy mom life; bring-it-on!

For any of you who don’t know what it’s like to be a boy mom it means being outside 24/7, not necessarily because they want to be…but because they have SO MUCH energy that needs to be burned!! It’s endless play in the dirt. It’s all things bugs, worms, dinosaurs, and fast cars…endless hours of legos, and every conversation involves something about a video game, or something slightly inappropriate. It’s sports all year long (even out of season), and lots of talk about poop, farts and “ding dongs”. No matter how hard you try to make it stop, there will always be some sort of inappropriate talk or touching of their private parts (I type this as my son runs around with a balloon sticking out of his butt). It’s seriously NEVER ending!! It can be exhausting; but, they are also so good to their mama, and not at all sassy. I love being a boy mom…and how lucky am I to be blessed with two sons!

On September 21, 2015, at 39 weeks, our second son, Camden Tyler, was born weighing 9 lbs, 7.3 oz. He was PERFECT, literally! I have never heard of an APGAR test, but our doctor was boasting about how Camden scored a perfect ten, stating he has maybe only one baby score that high every 1-2 years. I am naturally competitive, so I was on cloud nine.  I vowed to raise this son exactly like my last one, and to treat them exactly the same. 

Okay, so Camden is not Jerrick. He was a VERY clingy baby. If he didn’t see me he cried…like literally, if he didn’t smell me he cried. It took 8 weeks, but at least he was sleeping through the night, in his own crib. As long as he was getting plenty of attention he was happy, and he was getting plenty of it from his 2 yr old brother. Cam had dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes; exactly what I envisioned Jerrick would look like! God, thank you for blessing me with two handsome, and healthy children…I pray that you continue to grow their bond, and that it is inseparable.

Fast forward. By the time Camden was 2 ½ he was diagnosed with asthma and it was out of control most of the time. He also appeared to have an intolerance, or allergy, to eggs. Most days Camden was on Zyrtec, Singulair, albuterol and for a short time pulmicort. He eventually started having absence seizures. This didn't happen until after he began pulmicort, but the doctors didn’t feel the connection was related, stating it's not a listed side effect; (however, other mom blogs on google were telling me different). The risk was far greater taking him off of this inhaled steroid, verse keeping him on it; but, eventually, against doctor recommendations, I began weening him off of it. Throughout his 2 short years of life he not only was diagnosed with asthma, but he had had pneumonia, multiple ear and sinus infections and his first set of tubes in his ears. He went through several rounds of steroid shots trying to control it all (no wonder he is so big, perhaps it’s finally catching up to him!) By age 3 he had allergy and epilepsy testing….by the grace of God they both showed nothing, which was actually frustrating! Umm God, hello? I am exhausted down here. But, I NEVER stopped praying over the health of my children and God answered my prayers. Camden is now 4 ½ and hasn’t had any seizures since he stopped pulmicort. He no longer has an egg intolerance and magically his asthma is so controlled he hasn’t had a treatment in at least 6 months! Just last month he was diagnosed with influenza B. To be honest, I was worried given his history (I do not give my kids the flu shot because I feel it's ineffective)...but I knew he was higher risk for getting pneumonia again. But Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart”; so instead of worrying, I prayed over him continuously, trusting God to protect him from this virus that can wreak havoc, and after 2 short days he was 100% healed and as hyper as ever! God is truly an unfailing God and I am so blessed.

Cams toddler years (long story short I SURVIVED), were so trying! When he was 1-2 years old he purposely would over flow the toilets…this happened at least 3 times. If you read my last blog, part of that postpartum depression came from exhaustion from trying to control this strong willed, wild child, and all the health problems that developed with him. He is my Mr. independent, no wonder he potty trained so fast! He is so sneaky and hyper!! We literally only buy sugar free juice and popsicles because he just can't handle sugar…he’s like a wild bull in an antique store. Just the other day I caught him dressed as spiderman attempting to jump from his bunk bed. If you tell him not to do something you better believe that he is going to do it! Last fall, his preschool traced him and asked him to draw himself (eyes, nose, mouth, etc)….I don't think his teachers were prepared to see that he drew a foot long “ding dong”…let me remind you, he's four! Pray for me!! Oh Cam, he is something special. Somehow he brings me great joy, although at times he makes me lose my mind. I am seriously always laughing because of him. Teachers watch out…here comes your class clown! Most days I "live in fear" wondering what will come out of his mouth. He is currently obsessed with the word fat...I am really hoping that this too shall pass. He is also so rough. I don’t think he realizes how big he is. For reference, he’s 1 pound heavier, and 2” shorter than his 7 yr old brother! Just the other day he said “Hey Jerrick”…and when Jerrick turned Cam punched him right in the stomach. Where does this behavior come from?!?  It doesn’t matter how I discipline him…Camden is so ornery, and I think he loves being in trouble! I am a little worried about Camden starting school. At Jerrick's parent teacher meeting last year, we were in the library (the librarian being a bigger woman), and as we were leaving, Camden said “bye big butt”!! Oh-M-Gee, I’m dying!! Thankfully she didn’t understand him because she asked “what sweety”? Nothing I said covering his mouth and pushing him out the door...there was nothing sweet about that and certainly didn't need repeated!!  Jerrick’s teachers have all boasted to me about his behavior and I am worried what they will think of Camden. I have completely exhausted myself as far as my mom tricks go. I have tried all forms of discipline and I have accepted the fact that this child is just wild and cannot be tamed! I finally decided to give up and turn to God. After all, Mark11:24 says “therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours”.  I started praying for obedience over Cam when he was about 3 1/2 or so, asking that he would become disciplined. Ironically when he turned 4 he became this sweet little “angel”. He is still so ornery, but he is so sweet! His preschool teachers have even complimented me several times on the change in his behavior…what a relief!! All it took to make this change happen was giving up and giving it to God! WHY do I always wait until I reach rock bottom to give it to God?!?

Camden is exactly what I didn’t know I needed! He has taught me SO much patience…the #1 thing I lacked before! He's taught me not to sweat the little things. Before Cam, I cleaned up my house EVERY night…now I know it will just be destroyed again tomorrow, so I can go to bed in peace knowing that there is a mess and it’s “okay”. I never use to let Jerrick wear character clothes or light up shoes simply because I didn't like it (he honestly never expressed wanting to anyway). My superhero obsessed Cam almost always wears character light up shoes and clothes, and he rocks them! There have even been times Camden has worn costumes in public, when it wasn’t Halloween! I have learned some battles aren’t worth fighting and childhood imagination is so short lived! He taught me that materialistic things don’t matter and laughter is the best medicine. My children are so opposite; but, they are always exactly what I need. What a reminder that God knows exactly what we need, without us even knowing it. God thank you for blessing me with exactly what I needed, and not what I thought I wanted. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to reflect back on it, to realize, and learn through it all.

Being a boy mom of two or more boys is different than having one son. It is a WWE match around here 24/7. Something is ALWAYS breaking!! It’s twice the dirt and inappropriate talk…I am convinced you cannot take the orneriness out of little boys. For example, A few months ago my oldest son was singing the song Baby Got Back, saying "I like big butts and I cannot lie"; my husband told him to knock it off and asked him where he learned that song...any guesses his response? JESUS...yes...he blamed Jesus for teaching him about big booty girls. I think that just proves that it doesn't matter how boys are raised, they're just born ornery!! I absolutely love being a boy mom though. It is by far the hardest and most rewarding job out there, no doubt!

At times I can’t help but feel guilt. Do men ever experience this, or is it just a mom thing? How is it my kids are so different, yet I raised them exactly the same? Did I spend too much time on Jerrick and not enough time on Cam? People would always joke around when my boys were 1 & 3, and 2 & 4 yrs old that I “favored” Jerrick….I of course always denied it because I certainly didn’t feel that way in my heart. Jerrick was just older and did more so I always had more to say about him. I know what favoritism looks like and I vow to never do that, it’s awful! I love both of my boys equally, but differently…differently because they are oh so different!! My little Camden requires so much discipline and supervision, he cannot be trusted!! Jerrick is so obedient. He absolutely hates being in trouble and is such a passive, easy going kid. I laugh typing this, because having Jerrick made me boast and then having Cam was like a smack in the face, which made me humble. Lesson learned God, thanks. But, sometimes I cant help but wonder if I failed Cam somewhere. A couple weeks ago, my husband was going over number flash cards with him and asked him what the #11 was. Without hesitation Cam said “that’s pause!” FAIL! He is so silly! I honestly can’t tell if he’s kidding or being serious! I’m thankful his birthday falls late because I definitely don’t feel he is ready to start school in the fall. God knew he wouldn’t be ready, so no wonder he was born after the cut off….he will be nearly 6 when he finally starts, and I feel that's needed. At this age, Jerrick knew all of his numbers, letters and their sound. He started school at 5 and already knew how to spell his first and last name. Camden FINALLY learned how to spell his first name, and well, we are still working on everything else. At age 4, Jerrick was playing soccer, basketball and youth coach pitch baseball…and he was good at it! Ever since J was 2, we got compliments on how straight he threw and I never understood it…but having Cam, now I get it! My LEFTY Cam cant throw a ball for the life of him; it goes straight down, about 2 feet in front of him. He can’t kick a ball without hopping…where did I go wrong? Did I fail my son? I tried so hard to train and raise him the same as J, but they are obviously so different. Camden has no care in the world. If you try to correct him he’s done. He is a strong willed, free spirit. Maybe sports wont be his thing, although he’s finally showing interest. Maybe he’s just a late bloomer…or maybe he just wont be athletic. Although i'm currently comparing him to his brother, I want him to know not to compare himself to others, especially his brother! Jerrick was born with a natural athletic gift, and although it comes easy to him, it doesn’t give Cam an excuse not to try. He can become a great athlete one day if he wants to, but he may have to train and try a lot harder to get there. There is no doubt in my mind that Camden would make a good wrestler, or monster truck driver…he is crazy!! 

 2 Corinthians 6:17 says “why work so hard to fit in when you were called to be set apart?” THAT is my confirmation that there is no need to compare my sons. Despite the fact I feel I have raised them the same, Cam was not born to be a shadow of his brother…and I certainly do not want him to be!! I hope others don’t try to compare them, because they were born to be different and are both perfect in their own ways. If I can succeed at teaching my boys anything in life, it would be that it’s okay to be different; what’s not okay is envy and trying to become something or someone they’re not. 

Sometimes in life we become so focused on trying to follow, or become like others (popular, rich, etc.) that we lose track of who God created us to be. The person you’re supposed to follow is God, no one else. When you find yourself envying someone else’s life, STOP, and realize that what you are going through at this very moment is Gods way of shaping you into who you’re meant to be. When life is out of your control, instead of questioning “God why”, trying saying God I know this is your will, help me through it. Thank him during the trial, it usually is a test of faith. Thank God for blessing you with what you didn’t know you needed and help lead you to become all that you are called to be. 1Thessalonians 5:18 says “in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” Thank God through the trials and know that where you are at in this very moment is exactly where God intends for you to be. Be open to receiving the message he is trying to teach you. One day you will look back and it will all make sense. Until then, trust the person who created you to lead you.

I'm sure this blog probably wasn’t what you were expecting…but I guess that's life!



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